Fallout 4 - The Wasteland Wacko Episode 2

I met Elvis once. He gave me some power armour, but he didn't autograph it. Maybe I went too fan girl... - The Wasteland Wacko

So there I was, back in the real world. Apparently those shiny new cars don't survive a nuclear apocalypse too well, but postboxes are a different story. Indiana Jones might have survived a nuclear blast in a fridge but if he had his in a postbox he wouldn't have been thrown about nearly as much. 

Also 200 years seems to change storage conventions somewhat. Back in my day you'd never store a grenade in a rubbish bin but some idiot had stored TWO in the one out on the edge of town! I couldn't just leave them lying around, some kid might walk by and pick them up!

Talking about some crazy new ideas in this world, since when did mole rats get this big? And why are they carrying around things such as shot glasses? It's a sad day for the world when your average mole rat is so down and out that they develop a drinking problem.

I made my way over to Concord and found a living legend. ELVIS! Well he claims that he isn't Elvis but I know he knows who he is so we will just play it coy, one day he will sign an autograph for me. I think some raiders had figured out his identity as well. They had him holed up in the local museum and they were shooting it up, I guess he refused to sing Jailhouse Rock for them.

Elvis was hanging out with this guy called Preston who called himself a "Minuteman", maybe it's because he would have been dead within a minute if I hadn't turned up. Not to blow my own horn but I went in there and saved everybody's ass. Apparently they were trying to make their way to my hometown because Grandma Druggy had a vision that it would be their sanctuary. I don't know about that, it looked pretty desolate to me but to each their own.

Before we could head out we were beset by another set of raider, no biggie, but then some crazy beast decided to show up and start tearing up the town. Apparently, it's called a Deathclaw, I don't know what it is but after I started shooting it it burst into flames. IT FRIGGING CAUGHT FIRE!!!!

I went back the next day and I swear the thing was still alive as it was farting into a puddle. I beat it with my security baton a bit more just to make sure it was dead.

Back at Sanctuary Hills I had to abandon my power armour after the fusion core Elvis told me about gave up the ghost. It's a shame as the green dress was getting a little breezy between the legs and Preston was starting to give me some funny looks. I decided that it was probably a good time for me to put on some proper armour, so I put together a decent set of mismatched armour that I stripped off all the raiders after I handed them a beatdown. If I make a proper name for myself out in the Wastelands then this look will be all the fashion!

Before I left Elvis asked me to make some beds for the group that had followed me back to Sanctuary Hills, I'm sorry Elvis, do I look like a carpenter to you? Maybe if you had autographed my power armour then the story would be different, but he just wouldn't shut up so I agreed to make some beds for them eventually. First I wanted to head out into the wastes and see what else was about.

First off I found this guy, a dog salesman who hates selling off his dogs. Sorry mate but I think you are in the wrong career. Maybe you should just be a dog walker, or try selling something else. There's enough junk out here you could probably find a buyer for anything!

Next up was some lady called Doc Brown. Now I've seen Back to the Future, and I am pretty sure that Christopher Lloyd is not a lady, not unless something changed over the last 200 years. Considering everything else that has happened I guess that anything is possible.

A little bit further down the road I found a Drive-in Movie Theatre, although I doubt that it has shown anything for a long time. But it was far from empty. There were ROUSs (if you don't get this reference go watch the Princess Bride now. GO. NOW.) and someone had a radio playing and set up some sort of bottlecap mine! The cheeky blighter. But they weren't expecting the Wasteland Wacko and his amazing ability for time travel!

Finally, I decided to head back to Concord and discovered a whole series of tunnels underneath the town. I'm not sure what was meant to be down here but I found some mutant crabs and yet more ROUSs and roaches.

As there was nothing happening here I decided to go back to the drive-in just in case our minelaying friend returned so that I could force feed him some ROUSs. But he wasn't there, so I wandered towards the big city on the horizon...